COSA Healthy Intimate Relationship (HIR) Meeting Script
HIR meetings are intended for those members in recovery. HIR (Healthy Intimate Relationships) is a style of blended meeting in which both COSAs and sex addicts are welcome to participate fully, with or without partners. This meeting uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of COSA to help us develop a greater capacity for empathy and emotional intimacy in our primary love relationships. Please note that this meeting is in a Zoom Room with a different number and password. To receive this information please contact firstname.lastname@example.org &/or email@example.com for access to these specific meetings.
COSA Diversity Statement
- COSA Diversity is consistent with the Third Tradition of COSA, which states that the only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior.
- The COSA Fellowship welcomes all genders, all varieties of relationship to the addict, all religious and spiritual preferences, all employment statuses, all marital statuses, all ethnicities, cultures, and languages. COSA does not discriminate on the basis of class, financial status, sexual orientation or gender identification, physical or mental challenges, race, or national origins.
- In COSA, we find hope whether or not there is a sexually addicted person currently in our lives.
- COSA Diversity is consistent with the First Tradition of COSA, which states that our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon COSA unity.
Host or Co-Host shares screen. Lead shares First name and the fellowship they belong to, for example SA/SLAA/COSA
Welcome to the COSA Zoom Room Healthy Intimate Relationships (HIR) Meeting.
My name is______ . I’m a _________and the lead for this meeting.
HIR is a blended meeting where both COSAs and Sex Addicts are welcome to participate fully, with or without partners.
This meeting uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of COSA to help us develop a greater capacity for empathy and emotional intimacy.
May I have a volunteer or couple to read the Long Version of the Serenity Prayer
The Long Version of the Serenity Prayer
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles.
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.
We ask that you respect the Confidentiality and Anonymity of everyone present.
To keep the room safe, and our meeting healthy we:
- Stay attentive, avoid cell phone use/texting and minimize distracting movements such as eating, etc.
- Mute our microphone at all times unless sharing.
- Keep our video on. If we must step away or temporarily stop our video, we address ‘Everyone’ in the chat.
- Dress and behave as though in a face to face meeting. We respect that our attire and positioning not be triggering to others.
- Refrain from discussing details about acting out behaviors, places, or people. We instead focus on how we feel.
- Please remember that chats sent to ‘Everyone’ may be saved by everyone in the meeting.
Would someone please read the COSA Welcome?
“We welcome you to the COSA fellowship and extend to you our support and friendship.
COSA is a Twelve Step recovery program for spiritual development, no matter what our religious or philosophical beliefs.
Through working the Twelve Steps, we seek to achieve serenity, one day at a time.
COSA offers hope, whether or not there is a sexually addicted person currently in our lives.
In COSA, we begin to experience relief from our isolation in the safety of an anonymous gathering with others who share our stories.”
Everything that is said in the group meetings and between members must be held in confidence.
This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced.
By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives.
The loving interchange of help among members and daily use of program tools make us ready to receive the priceless gifts of serenity and freedom.
Would someone please read the 12 Steps -or- we read them Popcorn Style?
The 12 Steps of COSA
1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
Would someone please read The Gifts of COSA?
The Gifts of COSA
With the twelve suggested steps of recovery, and the wisdom, experience, and support of the COSA group, we discover the faith and acceptance to let go of the situations we were once desperate to control, and the courage and strength to grow in matters we once avoided or denied. Gradually, the gifts multiply. As our awareness increases, so does our personal power and self-esteem. In our relationships, we learn detachment and become more fully present. In continued recovery, we live our lives in deeper joy, serenity and fulfillment, one day at a time.
In a face to face meeting it is appropriate to thank each speaker after their share. In the zoom room, we borrow the applause sign from American Sign Language as an alternate way of expressing our gratitude. (Lead demonstrated the “Applause” Sign)
It’s now time for introductions. If this is your first or second COSA meeting, please let us know so that we can welcome you.
The lead may use the ‘Participants’ list for introductions. Host/Co-Host stops screen share for Introductions. After introductions, Host/Co-Host Returns to screen sharing script.
“Hi, my name is _________ and I’m a grateful recovering _________.” I will call out each participant by name so you may introduce yourself as I have.
This meeting has a format that changes from week to week:
1st week of the month: Step study
2nd week of the month: Reader Share
3rd week of the month: Question and Response
4th week of the month: Topic Meeting – followed by Business Meeting during final 10 minutes
5th week of the month (when it occurs): Speaker Share
Since this is the ________week of the month, today’s meeting format is ______.
1st week of the Month – Step Study Format
Our reader _______ will read from Conference-Approved literature of COSA, AA, Al-Anon, or another S-related fellowship to which (s)he belongs, on Step ______ for approximately 10 minutes, and then have the option to share for approximately three minutes on how this month’s Step applies to healthy intimate relationships.
2nd week of the month – Reader Share Format
Our reader _______ will read up to five minutes from Conference-Approved literature then have the option to share up to three minutes on the topic of healthy intimate relationships. Then the floor will open up to everyone to share on the reading. It is appropriate to refer to the reading in our own shares.
3rd week of the Month – Question and Response Format
Today’s format is question and response on the topic of healthy intimate relationships in the context of recovery. Anyone can pose a question. Once a question has been posed, up to three people can volunteer a response. We do not give advice in our responses but rather speak in ‘I’ terms from our own Experience, Strength & Hope. Opinions expressed are those of the speaker only. Take what you like and leave the rest.
4th week of the Month –Topic Meeting Format
Our volunteer _______ has chosen 1-3 recovery-related topics for group discussion, then the meeting will be open to anyone who wishes to share on those topics. We will close the meeting 10 minutes early to allow time for our business meeting.
5th week of the Month (when it occurs) – Speaker Share Format:
Today’s meeting format is speaker-discussion. Our speaker _______ will share his/her ESH for 15-20 minutes on the topic of healthy intimate relationships in recovery.
Lead keeps track of time and announces when there is “10 minutes left in the meeting”, and when there is “5 minutes left in the meeting”
Now is time for the open sharing portion of our meeting.
To keep the meeting safe, we do not discuss acting out behaviors, people, or places. We do not cross talk, which means we do not interrupt or make direct comments about another person’s share in our own shares, including asking questions, offering advice or appraisal, or using another person’s name in our own shares.
Instead, we focus on our own journey and how we feel. Please share your own experience in “I” terms. However, it is appropriate to refer to the reading or the speaker’s share if they agree to accept feedback.
Please keep your shares to _____ minutes. Would someone be willing to be our timer, please?
Now is the time we set aside for people new to this meeting to share if they haven’t done so already.
We have time for one or two more shares.
That is all the time we have for sharing. If you didn’t get a chance to speak, please share with someone after the meeting.
Are there any COSA-related announcements?
Our Business Meeting immediately follows this meeting on the 4th week of each month. Everyone is welcome to attend. If you have an item for the business meeting, please let us know.
Next week’s meeting topic is __________ and we are looking for a reader/speaker/topic. Who would like to volunteer?
1st week: Step study
2nd week: Reader Share
3rd week: Question and Response
4th week: Topic Meeting – followed by Business Meeting during final 10 minutes
5th week Speaker Share
Who would be willing to read The Promises?
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, page 83-84, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.
As we close, please be mindful that we each express our own opinions here. Take what is useful and leave the rest. We share with you based on our own experience, strength, and hope. We try to focus on, and identify with, the feelings expressed, rather than the situations. What is said here needs to stay confidential; this is necessary for safety in our recovery. If you are new to the program, finding others that understand can be a great comfort. We hope we have shown you a special welcome at our meeting. There is not one of us here who does not remember what it felt like to attend our first meeting. Through the process of reaching out, we get to know one another. Although we are all different, we can see that the program works. There is no burden too heavy to be lifted and no sorrow too great to be healed. Support is a vital part of our recovery. This disease thrives in the darkness. We can bring it out into the light and find hope.
Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’.
At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed for our Seventh Tradition. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO.
In the COSA Zoom Room we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal. Your donations are appreciated and tax deductible whether weekly, monthly or yearly.
CZR is a 501 c 3 organization.
Please unmute your mic and join me in saying, “I Put My Hand in Yours”.
I Put My Hand in Yours
I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
-Rozanne S. From I Put My Hand in Yours. Copyright 1968 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.
The meeting is complete and now is the time for asking questions and fellowship.
Topic List (Week 4)
Any of the 12 Concepts
Any of the 12 Steps
Any of the 12 Traditions
Dealing with change
Easy Does It
First Things First
Focus on Ourselves
Gifts of the Program
HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)
HOW our program works: Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness
Intimacy (does not equal sex)
Keep it Simple
Let Go and Let God
Live and Let Live
Living in the present
Living the program
Obstacles to success
One Day at a Time
Progress not Perfection
Responding instead of Reacting