COSA Meeting Format – (download pdf) 

(Meeting “Lead” chooses what to use or not.)
Welcome to the COSA ZOOM ROOM meeting. My name is _________and I am doing service for this meeting. Before we begin, please un-mute your audio to join in saying the (Host pick version here) of the Serenity Prayer: 

‘Me’ Version (short version)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

‘We’ Version
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

The Serenity Prayer (‘Long’ version)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles. 

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Read aloud) We welcome you to the Zoom COSA fellowship and extend to you our support and friendship. COSA is for people whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior. COSA is an anonymous Twelve-Step recovery program for spiritual development, no matter what our religious or philosophical beliefs. 

COSA offers hope whether or not there is a sexually addicted person currently in our lives. In COSA, we begin to experience relief from our isolation in the safety of an anonymous gathering with others who share our stories. Everything that is said in the group meetings and between members must be held in confidence. This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced. By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives. If you decide you are one of us, we welcome you with open arms. 

[IF THERE ARE NEWCOMERS] If you are attending a COSA meeting for the first time, will you please unmute and tell us your first name? This is not done to embarrass you, but so we may welcome you. (Newcomers introduce themselves) Welcome. We’re glad you are here. If you are interested in literature or an email list, please talk with the host or leader after the meeting. 

 

Would someone be willing to read the COSA 12 Steps? (Lead may also choose to use ‘Popcorn’-style) 

1.   We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable. 

2.   Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.   Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4.   Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.   Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.   Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.   Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8.   Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.   Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for           knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these           principles in all areas of our lives.

Would some be willing to read COSA 12 Traditions? (The Tradition of the corresponding month may also be read only.) 

1.  Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon COSA unity. 

2.  For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders         are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 

3. The only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior. The                       members may call themselves a COSA group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. 

4.  Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or COSA as a whole. 

5.  Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to those who still suffer. We do this by practicing the Twelve         Steps ourselves. 

6.  A COSA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the COSA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest                       problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 

7.  Every COSA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 

8.  COSA should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 

9.  COSA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they       serve. 

10. COSA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the COSA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at                the level of press, radio, films, television, and other public media of communication. We need guard with special care the                anonymity of all Program members. 

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When we work the COSA program, we find that the symptoms of codependency are removed on a daily basis. The preoccupation with the addict decreases and for some will disappear entirely. Through recovery, we move away from a life of emotional turmoil to a healthier living experience. We encourage newcomers to attend at least six meetings in a row to get acquainted with the group, practice letting go of denial, and open up to receiving the gifts of this program. 

Etiquette and Guidelines for Sharing in Meetings: 

To keep the room safe, we COSAs: 

  • Mute our microphone unless sharing or when asked to unmute by the Lead.

  • Are aware certain attire may be triggering for others and dress accordingly.

  • Stay attentive, avoid cell phone use/texting, minimize distracting movements, eating, etc.

  • Consider using ear buds if another person around us is able to hear anything. Meetings are private and anonymous. We make sure that we are the only person others in the meeting can see and that meeting participants are only visible to us.

  • Keep our video on. We make a visual and verbal introduction when entering the room for the safety of others. When possible, we inform “Everyone” in the chat box as a courtesy to the group if we must turn off our video.

  • Communicate any barriers at the beginning of the meeting. For example, if our home has people or activities going on, we may have to suddenly stop our video.

  • Make a habit of arriving on time and staying for the entire meeting. To keep meetings healthy, we do not refer to specific acting out places, people, or behaviors, but rather speak in general terms and refer to how we feel. It is most helpful when members focus on the tools of the program, including the Steps, Traditions, and slogans, like “bring your mess to your sponsor and your message to your meeting.” It is part of the trusted servant’s role and everyone’s responsibility to gently speak up if someone shifts away from these guidelines.

  • Members are asked to share their own experience, strength, and hope (ESH) with the group, speaking in “I” terms (rather than using ‘you’) and keeping the focus on their own journey. Advice-giving, telling others what they should do, judging or commenting on what people say or cross talk, including directing comments to a group member, or using another participants name during share, are all strongly discouraged. 

So that all attendees get an opportunity to share, please limit your shares to three minutes, allowing time for re-shares, check-ins (PEMSS), and readings. 

Now it’s time to go to today’s topic. (Following the topic being read, the Lead invites sharing:) “The floor is now open for someone to share on today’s topic.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Closing 

That is all the time we have for sharing. If you didn’t get a chance to share, please share with someone after the meeting. Are there any COSA-related announcements? 

 The Seventh Tradition (Please read) Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO. In the Zoom room we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal with a one-time or recurring donation. At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed for our Seventh Tradition.

 Prayer  Please unmute and join me in saying the closing Prayer ‘I Put My Hand in Yours’ (Lead may also choose to end with the Serenity Prayer.) 

I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.” 

– Rozanne S. From I Put My Hand in Yours. Copyright 1968 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Sponsorship Meeting Script (download pdf) 

For the purpose of creating a space where those who are willing and able to sponsor and those who need a sponsor can learn more about what a healthy sponsor/sponsee relationship is. 

Welcome 

(Please read) Welcome to the COSA ZOOM ROOM Sponsorship meeting. My name is _________and I am doing service for this meeting. Before we begin, please unmute your audio to join in saying the Long Version of the Serenity Prayer: 

                                                       

The Serenity Prayer (long version)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles. 

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.

We welcome you to this Sponsor focused meeting and the Zoom COSA fellowship, extending to you our support and friendship. Everything that is said in this meeting and between members must be held in confidence. This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced. By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives. 

When you are not speaking and for the safety of the group please:

  • Stay attentive, avoid cellphone use/texting and minimize distracting movements.
  • Mute your microphone so that any background noise will not disturb the speaker.
  • Keep your video on. If you must step away or temporarily stop your video, please inform the group in the chat.

In a face to face meeting it is appropriate to thank each speaker after their share. In the zoom room, we borrow the applause sign from American Sign Language (show the hand wave) as an alternate way of expressing our gratitude.

In this meeting our hope is to both share and gain experience, strength and hope. Our hope is that both those who are seeking a sponsor and those who are willing to sponsor will have a space to learn more about what healthy sponsorship is like and form relationships with other COSAs. To that end, if you are comfortable, we recommend that you put your email address in the chat so those connections can be made.  The most effective way to find a sponsor is to attend as many meetings as possible, watch for someone who has the kind of recovery that you would like to have, and ask them to be your sponsor.  It is important to remember that if they say “no”, it’s not about you, but more likely about their time availability or other commitments at the moment.  Keep asking, because your Higher Power has just the right person at the right time chosen for you.  

There is another way to find a sponsor should you be unable to do so fairly quickly.  There is one person who is the Sponsorship Coordinator who may be reached at SponsorshipHelp@cosa-recovery.org.  She is a wealth of information.  

Now it’s time for our Sponsorship reading/audio of the day.  Would someone be willing to read for us?  

Now it is time for us to share our gifts and our needs.  We will start with those who are able to sponsor followed by those needing a sponsor.  Please share a bit of your story.  Sponsors might include your journey, recovery – including turning points and tools, and expectations for sponsees.  Please limit your sharing to three minutes. The floor is open to sponsors to share.  

The Closing

Would someone be willing to read “The Gifts of the COSA Program”? 

With the Twelve suggested Steps of recovery, and the wisdom, experience, and support of the COSA group, we discover the faith and acceptance to let go of the situations we were once desperate to control, and the courage and strength to grow in matters we once avoided or denied. Gradually, the gifts multiply. As our awareness increases, so does our personal power and self-esteem. In our relationships, we learn detachment and become more fully present. In continued recovery, we live our lives in deeper joy, serenity, and fulfillment, one day at a time. 

The Seventh Tradition (Please read) Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO. In the Zoom room we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal with a one-time or recurring donation. At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed for our Seventh Tradition.

Prayer

Please unmute your audio and join me in saying I Put My Hand in Yours” Prayer:  I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

Rozanne S. From I Put My Hand in Yours. Copyright 1968 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Sexual Anorexia/Avoidance Meeting Script (download pdf) 

                                                                       (Meeting leaders choose what to use or not.) 

Welcome to the COSA ZOOM ROOM meeting. My name is _________and I am doing service for this meeting. Before we begin, please unmute your audio to join in saying the (Host pick version here) of the Serenity Prayer (Clarify short ‘me’, ‘we’ or longer version): 

‘Me’ Version (short version)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

‘We’ Version (short version)
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

The Serenity Prayer (long version)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles. 

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless. 

(Read aloud) We welcome you to the Zoom COSA fellowship and extend to you our support and friendship. COSA is for people whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior. This specific meeting focuses on the unique challenges of sexual anorexia/avoidance and welcomes both those who have been affected by a partner’s or their own anorexic or avoidant behaviors. COSA is an anonymous Twelve-Step recovery program for spiritual development, no matter what our religious or philosophical beliefs. 

Everything that is said in the group meetings and between members must be held in confidence. This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced. By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives. If you decide you are one of us, we welcome you with open arms. 

To keep the room safe, we COSAs: 

  • Stay attentive, avoid cellphone use/texting and minimize distracting movements such as eating etc.

  • Mute your microphone so that any background noise will not disturb the speaker.

  • Keep your video on. If you must step away or temporarily stop your video, please address the group in the chat.

  • Please be mindful as you prepare to enter the room that certain attire might be triggering for others and dress accordingly. 

We’re glad each person is here. Please feel free to stay for “Open Chat” after the meeting to learn more about COSA literature or if you have questions. 


 

It is now time to read The COSA 12 steps (One volunteer OR “Popcorn Style”) COSA 12 Steps?  

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Would someone be willing to read the COSA 12 Traditions? (The Tradition of the corresponding month may also be read only.) 

1.  Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon COSA unity. 

2.  For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders         are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 

3. The only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior. The                       members may call themselves a COSA group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. 

4.  Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or COSA as a whole. 

5.  Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to those who still suffer. We do this by practicing the Twelve         Steps ourselves. 

6.  A COSA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the COSA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest                       problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 

7.  Every COSA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 

8.  COSA should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 

9.  COSA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they       serve. 

10. COSA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the COSA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at                the level of press, radio, films, television, and other public media of communication. We need guard with special care the                anonymity of all Program members. 

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

(Please Read )During meetings, COSA members share their own experience, strength, and hope with the group. Advice-giving or telling people what to do, censure, belittlement, scolding or preaching, judging or commenting on what people say, and crosstalk — which means responding to another person’s share or talking directly to a member, mentioning someone’s name, or talking with someone else during the meeting — are strongly discouraged. Members are encouraged to talk only about themselves, using “I” terms, and to give feedback only if requested by the person who is sharing and only in “Open Chat” at the end of the meeting. 

It is most helpful if members focus on the tools of the program, including the Steps, Traditions, and slogans. It is often necessary to talk about a problem, but sharing problems only brings short-term relief without recovery. Some members say “bring your mess to your sponsor and your message to your meeting.” It is part of the trusted servant’s role to monitor discussion, and it is also everyone’s responsibility to speak up when someone is inappropriate. 

So that all attendees get an opportunity to share, please limit your shares to three minutes, allowing time for re-shares & check-ins (PEMSSS (60 Second share on how you are feeling Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually, Socially, Sexually (if desire)). 

Would someone be willing to time the shares and let the person whom is sharing know when there is 30 seconds remaining? 

Now it’s time to go to today’s topic. (Once Topic has been shared, invite members to share on the topic.) 


 Closing Meeting 

(Please Read)Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO. At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed, but in the Zoomroom we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal with a one-time or recurring donation for our Seventh Tradition

I invite everyone to unmute and join me in closing with ‘I Put My Hand in Yours.‘ 

I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

– Rozanne S.ozanne S. From I Put My Hand in Yours. Copyright 1968 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. 

  


 

COSA HIR Meeting Script(download pdf)

(Meeting leaders choose what to use or not.) 

Welcome to the COSA Zoom Room Healthy Intimate Relationships (HIR) Meeting. My name is _______ . I’m a _______ and the lead for this meeting. HIR is a blended meeting where both COSAs and sex addicts are welcome to participate fully, with or without partners. This meeting uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of COSA to help us develop a greater capacity for empathy and emotional intimacy.

We ask that you respect the confidentiality and anonymity of everyone present.  

To keep the room safe and our meeting healthy, we: 

  • Stay attentive, avoid cellphone use/texting and minimize distracting movements such as eating etc.

  • Mute your microphone so that any background noise will not disturb the speaker.

  • Keep your video on. If you must step away or temporarily stop your video, please address ‘Everyone’ in the chat.

  • Dress and behave as though we are in a face to face meeting, as attire and positioning may be triggering.

  • Refrain from discussing details about acting out behaviors, places, or people. We instead focus on how we feel.

Let’s begin with the Long version of the Serenity Prayer (read by a volunteer couple or individual): 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles. 

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.

 

Would someone please read the Welcome? 

The COSA Welcome 

“We welcome you to the COSA fellowship and extend to you our support and friendship. 

COSA is a Twelve Step recovery program for spiritual development, no matter what our religious or philosophical beliefs. Through working the Twelve Steps, we seek to achieve serenity, one day at a time. 

The only requirement for COSA membership is to have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior. When dealing with the effects of this behavior, many of us experience profound trauma, pain, powerlessness, and unmanageability. Often, we turn to unhealthy behaviors of our own to manage our pain or try to control the behaviors of others. 

In the long run, our efforts fail. The consequences leave us in despair: our self-esteem, personal boundaries, and values are seriously compromised. Our health and our lives are at risk, and we may feel our identity has been lost. We realize our need to reach out for help. 

COSA offers hope, whether or not there is a sexually addicted person currently in our lives. In COSA, we begin to experience relief from our isolation in the safety of an anonymous gathering with others who share our stories. Everything that is said in the group meetings and between members must be held in confidence. This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced. 

By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives. The loving interchange of help among members and daily use of program tools make us ready to receive the priceless gifts of serenity and freedom. “

Would someone please read the Twelve Steps, please? (Note: the leader/shepherd may choose to have the Steps read “popcorn” style if desired.) 

The Twelve Steps of COSA 

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
 

Would someone please read the Gifts? 

The Gifts of the COSA Program 

With the Twelve suggested Steps of recovery, and the wisdom, experience, and support of the COSA group, we discover the faith and acceptance to let go of the situations we were once desperate to control, and the courage and strength to grow in matters we once avoided or denied. Gradually, the gifts multiply. As our awareness increases, so does our personal power and self-esteem. In our relationships, we learn detachment and become more fully present. In continued recovery, we live our lives in deeper joy, serenity, and fulfillment, one day at a time. 

It’s now time for introductions. If this is your first or second COSA meeting, please let us know so that we can welcome you. (Leader begins with) “Hi, my name is _________ and I’m a grateful recovering _________.” (The leader may want to use the ‘Participants’ list to assure that no person will be left out of the introduction process.)

 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This meeting has a format that changes from week to week: 

1st week of the month: Step study
2nd week of the month: Reader Share
3rd week of the month: Question and Response
4th week of the month: Topic Meeting – followed by Business Meeting during final 10 minutes
5th week of the month, when it occurs: Speaker Share
 

Since this is the ____ week of the month, our meeting format is ______

1st week of the month: Step Study format: 

Today’s meeting format is step study. Our reader _______ will read from Conference-Approved literature of COSA, AA, Al-Anon, or another S-related fellowship to which (s)he belongs, on Step ______ for approximately 10 minutes, and then have the option to share for approximately three minutes on how this month’s Step applies to healthy intimate relationships. 

2nd week of the month: Reader Share format

Today’s meeting format is reader share. Our reader _______ will read for approximately 10 minutes from Conference-Approved literature of COSA, AA, Al-Anon, or another S-related fellowship to which (s)he belongs, and then have the option to share for approximately three minutes on the reading in the context of healthy intimate relationships. 

3rd week of the month: Question and Response format

Today’s meeting format is question and response on the topic of healthy intimate relationships in the context of recovery. Anyone can pose a question. Once a question has been posed, up to three people can volunteer a response. We do not give advice in our responses but rather share from our own experience and speak in “I” terms only. Opinions expressed are strictly those of each speaker. Take what you like and leave the rest. 

4th week of the month: Topic Meeting format

Today’s meeting format is a topic meeting. Our volunteer _______ will choose 1-3 recovery-related topics for group discussion, then the meeting will be open to anyone who wishes to share on those topics. We will close the meeting 10 minutes early to allow time for a business meeting.

5th week of the month, when it occurs: Speaker Share format:

Today’s meeting format is speaker-discussion. Our speaker _______ will share his/her ESH for 15-20 minutes on the topic of healthy intimate relationships in recovery.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OPEN SHARING (At the conclusion of the speaker/reader/step presentation) 

Now is time for the open sharing portion of our meeting. To keep the meeting safe, we do not cross talk, which means we do not interrupt or make direct comments about another person’s share in our own shares, including asking questions, offering advice or appraisal, or using another person’s name in our own shares. Instead, please share your own experience in “I” terms. However, it is appropriate to refer to the reading or the speaker’s share if they agree to accept feedback. Please keep your shares to _____ minutes. Would someone be willing to be our timer, please? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Ten minutes before end of meeting when there are newcomers present) Now is the time we set aside for people new to the program to share if they haven’t done so already. (If no newcomer wants to share, say, “We have time for one or two more shares.”)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Five minutes before the end of the meeting) That is all the time we have for sharing. If you didn’t get a chance to speak, please share with someone after the meeting. Are there any COSA-related announcements? 

Our Business Meeting immediately follows this meeting on the 4th week of each month. Everyone is welcome to attend. If you have an item for the business meeting, please contact me during fellowship. 

Next week’s meeting topic is __________ and we are looking for a reader/speaker/topic. Who would like to volunteer? 

1st week: Step study   

2nd week: Reader Share     

3rd week: Question and Response     

4th week: Topic Meeting – followed by Business Meeting during final 10 minutes     5th week (?) Speaker Share)

 

Who would be willing to read the Promises 

The Promises 

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, page 83-84, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc. 

Thank you ________.
Would someone please read the Closing? 

Closing 

As we close, please be mindful that we each express our own opinions here. Take what is useful and leave the rest. We share with you based on our own experience, strength, and hope. We try to focus on, and identify with, the feelings expressed, rather than the situations. What is said here needs to stay confidential; this is necessary for safety in our recovery. 

If you are new to the program, finding others that understand can be a great comfort. We hope we have shown you a special welcome at our meeting. There is not one of us here who does not remember what it felt like to attend our first meeting. Through the process of reaching out, we get to know one another. Although we are all different, we can see that the program works. There is no burden too heavy to be lifted and no sorrow too great to be healed. Support is a vital part of our recovery. This disease thrives in the darkness. We can bring it out into the light and find hope. 

… Thank you .

The Seventh Tradition (Please read) Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO. In the Zoom room we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal with a one-time or recurring donation. At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed for our Seventh Tradition.  

Please unmute your microphones and join me in saying the I Put My Hand in Yours Prayer: 

I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone! No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams. 

-From I Put My Hand in Yours. Copyright 1968 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. 

The meeting is complete and now is the time for asking questions and fellowship.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Some HIR Topics for Week 4: 

3Cs (I didn’t cause it; can’t control it; can’t cure it) Acceptance
Admitting Mistakes
Amends
Anger
Any of the 12 concepts
Any of the 12 steps
Any of the 12 traditions
Attitudes
Balance
Barriers
Boundaries
Challenges
Changes
Codependence
Communication
Conflict
Connection
Conscious Contact
Control
Courage
Dealing with change
Denial
Detachment
Easy Does It
Expectations
Expressing Love
Fear
First Things First
Flexibility
Focus on Ourselves
Forgiveness
Gifts of the Program
Gratitude
Grief
Growth
HALT (Danger of becoming too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)
Healing
Higher Power
Honesty Hope
HOW our program works: Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness
Humility
Humor
Identity
Intimacy (does not equal sex)

Joint Purpose
Keep it Simple
Let Go and Let God
Little Gifts
Live and Let Live
Living in the present
Living the program
Loss
Love
Making Amends
Masks
Memories
Mindfulness
Obstacles to success
One Day at a Time
Openness
Perspective
Positivity
Powerlessness
Progress not Perfection
Respect
Responding instead of Reacting
Risk-Taking
Sanity
Self-Esteem
Self-Pity
Serenity
Service
Sex
Special Moments
Spirituality
Sponsorship
Tools
Triggers
Trust

Conducting a Group Inventory

Groups evolve just as recovering individuals evolve. Things that may have worked for the group in its early years may no longer work. Rather than resorting to criticism and judgment, sometimes an objective inventory and a few changes are all that is needed. We remember to place principles before personalities, and aim for progress not perfection.

It is important for meetings to stay healthy and fresh. Just as individual COSA members benefit from a regular sobriety check-in or inventory, so do meetings. Conducting a group inventory will help group members bring unresolved issues to the group for discussion and identify areas where the meeting can grow.

As a means of helping each group conduct an inventory, the following questions may be used to identify what needs to change, but also remember to celebrate what is working. As with all meetings and Group Conscience discussions, we practice safe communication* and honor the input of each member of the group. We pay careful attention to the Twelve Traditions when conducting a group inventory. COSA individual recovery depends in large part upon the support of a healthy, Higher Power-directed group.

Dynamics Within Our Group

  1. Are our members respectful of each other? (Please refer to the COSA Guidelines for Safe Communication*.) Are we all invited to participate in the meeting and also in the Group Conscience decisions?

  2. Are we a fellowship of equals? Are some looked to as COSA experts? What might be some ways to avoid imbalance or dominance in the group?

  3. Do we share experience, strength, and hope or do we engage in advice-giving or crosstalk? (Crosstalk means talking to, talking about, or talking with someone else during the meeting.) If the latter is true, how might we redirect our group toward healthy communication?

  4. Are newcomers given a warm welcome and an introduction to the program and COSA literature? Do we make COSA literature available at the meeting?

  5. Are our members working the Steps? If not, can we identify some ways to encourage this?

  6. Are our members aware of and able to apply the Traditions? If not, can we identify some ways to encourage this?

Behaviors/Skills of Individuals Outside the Group

  1. Do we focus on our own recovery or do we spend a lot of time talking about the addict? What are some ways to stay solution-oriented?

  2. Do we know and honor the principles of anonymity? Do we actively and respectfully listen to one another?

  3. Do we use phone/email lists? Do we have a way of staying connected and supporting one another between meetings?

  4. Are members willing to be involved in service at the group level and beyond? Do we have a Delegate?

Relationships to Other COSA Groups

  1. Does our group belong to an Intergroup and actively participate? If not, would we benefit from connecting with other COSA groups?

  2. Is our group honoring the Seventh Tradition and supporting our meeting group financially? Do we also donate to the ISO of COSA which provides our materials, literature, support, and convention? Is our group staying connected with the ISO of COSA?

*Guidelines for Safe Communications

  1. We respect others and ourselves in the group by using the safety guidelines.

  2. We use “I” or “we” statements. We avoid blaming and shaming, button pushing, case building and the taking or sharing of another person’s inventory*.

  3. We practice active listening, especially when in meetings.

  4. We respectfully allow others to have the floor. We do not interrupt others.

  5. We remain present when others are addressing the group.

  6. We end meetings on time to allow people to attend to their personal needs.

  7. We agree that one person at a time has the floor.

  8. We wait until the speaker is finished, before raising our hands or if by phone, asking to be recognized by the Leader to speak.

  9. We ask for clarity and use mirror feedback if we are uncertain about what the speaker is saying.

  10. We avoid triangulating with others by practicing direct communication.

  11. We say what we mean, mean what we say, and we do not say it meanly. When we say how we feel, what we think, and what we like or dislike, we use care and concern for the relationships within our group.

  12. We accept that we will have disagreements.

  13. We accept that there are many right answers.

  14. We speak in polite voices. We do not use yelling, intimidation, or sarcasm.

  15. We agree to keep our language clean.

  16. We table issues when emotions run high, for a period, beginning with 15 minutes, or until the next meeting.

  17. We commit to return to discussion of tabled issues at a specific mutually acceptable time.

  18. We own our responsibility for our own feelings and triggers. We contain ourselves.

  19. We agree that all of us are equally responsible for the relationships within the group. (See Traditions: 2 – For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 4 – Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or COSA as a whole.)

  20. We agree to show up, speak our truths, and then, turn over the outcomes to our HP as expressed in our Group Conscience.

*Taking inventory = honesty about only your own defects of character; acceptance that “the problem” is within yourself without blaming others.