Sexual Anorexia / Avoidance Meeting Script

This meeting is open to those who have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior, focusing on the pain, anger, shame, and experiences of COSAs dealing with their own or another’s sexual anorexia or the compulsive avoidance of sexual intimacy. Just as food anorexia is compulsive avoidance of eating, sexual anorexia is the compulsive avoidance of sexual contact and can extend to all forms of physical and emotional nourishment. This meeting is open to newcomers.

COSA Diversity Statement

  • COSA Diversity is consistent with the Third Tradition of COSA, which states that the only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior.
  • The COSA Fellowship welcomes all genders, all varieties of relationship to the addict, all religious and spiritual preferences, all employment statuses, all marital statuses, all ethnicities, cultures, and languages. COSA does not discriminate on the basis of class, financial status, sexual orientation or gender identification, physical or mental challenges, race, or national origins.
  • In COSA, we find hope whether or not there is a sexually addicted person currently in our lives.
  • COSA Diversity is consistent with the First Tradition of COSA, which states that our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon COSA unity.

Welcome to the COSA Zoom Room Fellowship. My name is _________and I am doing service for this meeting.
Before we begin, please unmute your audio to join in saying the ______ Version of the Serenity Prayer.

The Host asks for a volunteer to lead the meeting. The Host is able to screen share while the Lead reads the script. The Lead chooses a version of the Serenity Pray for the group to read in unison to open the meeting. Introductions may be done at the start of the meeting or after the topic is introduced.

Serenity Prayer

Me Version (Short Version)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

We Version

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer (Long Version)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
And tolerance for those with different struggles.

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways,
The ability to feel your love for me and our love for each other,
And the strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.


We welcome you to the Zoom COSA fellowship and extend to you our support and friendship. COSA is for people whose lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior.

This specific meeting focuses on the unique challenges of sexual avoidance/anorexia. Just as food anorexia is compulsive avoidance of eating, sexual anorexia is the compulsive avoidance of sexual contact and can extend to all forms of physical and emotional nourishment. We welcome those who have been affected by another’s or their own avoidant or anorexic behaviors.

COSA is an anonymous 12 Step recovery program for spiritual development, no matter what our religious or philosophical beliefs. Everything that is said in the group meetings and between members must be held in confidence.

This promotes open and honest sharing of our experience, strength, and hope, creating a trust level that many of us have never before experienced. By working the Twelve Steps in COSA, we gain a new perspective on ourselves and our lives.

If you decide you are one of us, we welcome you with open arms. If this is your first or second COSA meeting, please identify yourself so we can welcome you.

Host chooses to have participants read Steps “popcorn style” (2-3 Steps each volunteer) or, asks one participant read all 12 Steps.

The 12 Steps of COSA

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we  understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

Host asks a participants to read the Tradition number that coordinates with the current month (i.e. January = Tradition 1) or all of the Traditions. Steps “popcorn style” (2-3 Steps each volunteer) or, one participant read all 12 Steps.

The 12 Traditions of COSA

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon COSA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern
3. The only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior. The members may call themselves a COSA group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or COSA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to those who still suffer. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps ourselves.
6. A COSA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the COSA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every COSA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. COSA should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. COSA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. COSA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the COSA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television, and other public media of communication. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all Program members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Etiquette and Guidelines for Sharing

To keep the room safe and healthy, we COSAs:

    • Make a habit of arriving on time and staying for the entire meeting.
    • Stay attentive, avoid cell phone use/texting, minimize distracting movements such as eating.
    • Keep our video on. We inform “Everyone” in the chat box as a courtesy to the group if we must turn off our video.
    • Meetings are private and anonymous.  We make sure that we are the only person others in the meeting can see and that meeting participants are only visible to us.
    • Mute our microphone unless sharing or when asked to unmute by the Lead.
    • Members are asked to share their own Experience, Strength, and Hope (ESH) with the group, speaking in “I” terms (rather than using ‘you’) and keeping the focus on their own journey.
    • Do not refer to specific “Acting out” places, people, or behaviors, but rather speak in general terms and focus on how we feel.
    • Focus on the tools of the program, including the Steps, Traditions, and Slogans.
    • We discourage judging , commenting on what people say (cross talk), directing comments to a group member, or using another participants name during share, are all strongly discouraged.

It is part of the Trusted Servant’s role as well as COSA Members’ responsibility to gently speak up if someone shifts away from these guidelines.

Please remember that chats sent to “Everyone” may be saved by everyone attending the meeting.

So that all attendees get an opportunity to share, please limit your shares to three minutes.

This will allow time for re-shares and check-ins (Physical, Emotional, Mental,Social, Spiritual, Sexual).

Would someone be willing to be our timekeeper?

The Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, page 83-84, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc. 


That is all the time we have for sharing. If you did not get a chance to share, please share with someone after the meeting.

IF NEWCOMERS ARE PRESENT: There is a Newcomers meeting in the COSA Zoom Room on Wednesday at 7:30 Eastern Time. Information is available on the Zoom Room schedule at the CZR website.

Now is the time for us to honor the Seventh Tradition to be ‘fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions’.

At the end of local COSA meetings, a basket is passed for our Seventh Tradition. Our groups have no established dues. Funds collected cover expenses such as website and PayPal fees, delegate fees, and donations to the ISO.

In the COSA Zoom Room we have the easy option of making contributions via PayPal. Your donations are appreciated and tax deductible whether weekly, monthly or yearly.

CZR is a 501 c 3 organization.

Please unmute your mic and join me in saying “I Put My Hand in Yours”.

I Put My Hand in Yours

I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

Are there any COSA related announcements?
During “Open Chat”, members are encouraged to talk only about themselves, using “I” terms, and to give feedback only if requested by the person who is sharing and only “Open Chat”. SA bashing is discouraged.